Is Politeness Dead?

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A Nostalgic Reflection: From the 1950s to 2024, The Shift in American Civility

As someone who has spent the past 35 years immersed in the cultures of over 190 countries, my return to the United States has been nothing short of eye-opening. Raised as the youngest of five in a household that emphasized manners and respect, I was taught to open doors for others, greet people with a polite “good morning” or “good evening,” and always show courtesy. These lessons, instilled by my parents and reinforced through Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts, have stayed with me for over six decades.

In my travels, I’ve observed that many cultures around the world, particularly in Japan, Europe, and Africa, continue to uphold these values. In Africa, for instance, respect for elders is so ingrained that even amidst conflict, people refrain from disrespecting their seniors. However, upon my return to America, I’ve noticed a stark contrast. The behaviors I once took for granted as universal seem to have diminished significantly in contemporary American society.

The change is most noticeable among the younger generations. It appears that Generation X may have neglected to pass on the lessons of civility to their children, resulting in millennials and Gen Z displaying a lack of basic manners. Simple courtesies such as saying “please” and “thank you,” opening doors for others, and helping the elderly seem to have become rare occurrences, especially in urban areas.

During a recent encounter, I helped a young lady with her groceries. Despite my assistance, her response was limited to a curt “help me,” with no expression of gratitude. Similarly, when I held the door for a neighbor half my age, he walked through without acknowledging my gesture. These experiences stand in stark contrast to the respectful interactions I have witnessed in other countries.

In Japan, such behavior would be unthinkable, and in Russia, people go out of their way to help each other. The days when a passerby would stop to help with a flat tire seem to be a thing of the past in America. Instead, there is a growing concern that people might take advantage of such situations.

I implore my fellow Americans to rediscover the lost art of civility. Embrace the principles of politeness and respect that once defined our society. Simple acts of kindness—holding doors, offering a helping hand, and showing appreciation—can go a long way in fostering a more respectful and cohesive community.

Progress should not come at the expense of common courtesy. Let us strive to bring back the fundamental values of civility and politeness, ensuring that respect for one another becomes the norm once again.

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